I'm singing in the rain, just singing in the rain
What a glorious feelin' I'm happy again.
I'm laughing at clouds,so dark up above
The sun's in my heart and I'm ready for love.
Let the stormy clouds chase everyone from the place.
Come on with the rain, I've a smile on my face
I walk down the lane with a happy refrain
Just singin', singin' in the rain.
Dancin' in the rain
Dee-ah dee-ah dee-ah
Dee-ah dee-ah dee-ah
I'm happy again!
I'm singin' and dancin' in the rain!
I'm dancin' and singin' in the rain...
Why am I smiling, and why do I sing?
Why does September seem sunny as spring?
Why do I get up each morning and start
Happy and head up with joy in my heart?
Why is each new task a trifle to do?
Because I am living a life full of you.
Have you ever seen the scene where Gene Kelly sings this song in the classic movie "Singing in the Rain?" It is a young man dancing in the rain, not worried about getting wet or cold because he is so happy to be "in love." The scene is one that always makes me smile any time I see it. My husband says he fell in love with me the time an outdoor concert we were attending got rained out and I made the best of it by singing and dancing in the rain, too.
But my reason for smiling over this song today is not so simple as an actual rainstorm or being "in love." Today the storm we are experiencing is a symbolic storm with very dark rain clouds, persistent thunder, and sharp flashes of lightning.
About two weeks ago, I found out I was expecting a baby. We were so overjoyed that I wanted to call everyone I knew immediately. However, the wisdom of experience led us to choose to hold off telling family and friends until after our first OB appointment at six weeks. I had a missed miscarriage after my second child that absolutely devastated us, as I walked around for a month not knowing the precious baby had already died, and went into the joyful occassion of the first ultrasound alone (hubby was out to sea at the time), only to have them tell me there was no heartbeat and that the baby was way too small to be twelve weeks along (our dates were certain). Hubby came home from his deployment (during which the sub had maintained silence) expecting to find a contentedly pregnant wife to dote upon, instead finding a despondent and weary wife who had miscarried the baby just a few days before.
This time, circumstances were a bit different, but the outcome is the same. The precious new life we were so excited to meet, even only having known about the potential of it for just over a week, is not to be. Last week, I had an issue which prompted me to call my OB, and he sent me in for bloodwork. The bloodwork confirmed that my progesterone was very low, though my HcG was fine for five and a half weeks along, so there might yet be hope. However, low progesterone is often an indicator of either an ectopic pregnancy or of chromosomal abnormalities in the baby which are leading up to a miscarriage, so follow up testing was definitely needed. We treated the low progesterone just in case (I always try to be hopeful), prayed continuously, and went back in for more testing two days later. The results were not good. Even though I had not had conclusive evidence that I would miscarry, the tests showed the hormone levels were not rising appropriately and that a miscarriage was imminent. Thankfully, God's mercy allowed that after a few more tests they believe we are not dealing with an ectopic pregnancy, which would require surgery, though we are devastated over the loss of our baby.
It's amazing how attached you can get to someone you haven't even met yet, isn't it?
And what does this sad story have to do with "Singing in the Rain?" Well, it's because our family has the assurance of God's love through all of this. We know that God had a plan, and that He knit our baby together and knew every part of our baby and numbered every day he/she had been given long before we even knew about that baby. The merciful Lord knew what was best for our baby, and apparently, our baby is so special, he/she was blessed to have been born into heaven into the arms of the Lord, instead of mine. I count it as one of God's mercies, that if there was something so wrong with our baby that life here would have been a dire hardship for him/her, that the Lord's kindness allowed our baby to be born into a body made perfectly for heaven instead of an imperfect one here.
I may not have the priviledge of meeting my baby this side of heaven, but someday I will. I will meet this baby and our other one in Glory, and we will rejoice at finally getting to see each other face to face. I am singing through our rainstorm because I have Christ in my life, and with Christ, we can bear all things, even this sad event, and we can find joy in knowing there is more than just HERE.
Praise God for that with singing and prayers of thanksgiving! Hallelujiah! I can't imagine the grief of someone who does not have that assurance. Some moments, my tears well up unexpectedly and the song is gone from my heart for a moment...but thankfully, by focusing on the Lord and his merciful plan, I can find it again...
I lift up my eyes to the hills- Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip -
He who watches over you will not slumber;
Indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you
The LORD is your shade at your right hand;
The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm -
He will watch over your life;
The LORD will watch over your coming and going
Both now and forevermore.
This is not much of a Sermon Sunday post (since there is no sermon), but it is what is on my heart today. I deeply appreciate your prayers as we travel along this stormy road. I thank all of our family and friends who have reached out to us already...you are true blessings to us and just one more reason to find that song in our hearts again.
A sweet friend visited and brought by a card suggesting we listen to the song "Praise You in the Storm" by Casting Crowns. Here it is, if you would like to listen, too.
Are you in the mood to join me for some more praising today? Check out my previous posts of our favorite worship songs HERE and our favorite hymns HERE. They are sure to raise your eyes above your earthly troubles to the promises of God above.
There is one last story to share with you and I will be done. When I told the children our sad news, they were obviously upset, but thankfully, the innocence of childhood protects them from the worst of the grief. When I told Cowboy, who is always full of questions, that those among our family who accept Jesus as their personal savior can meet our baby someday in heaven, he asked, "But will the baby just say goo-goo and ga-ga? How will we talk to the baby?" LOL...kids. Aren't they so amazing and surprising and adorable at just the right times? I didn't really know what to say except that since God's desire is for all to worship Him and praise Him and to know Him, that I believe the baby will be able to communicate, and that his/her form will be perfect, whatever it is. I hope I answered that right. It was an interesting question and it made me smile.
I thank the Lord every day for all of my precious children here on earth and up in heaven. Take some extra time today to sit with yours and cuddle them tightly. That's what I am going to be doing.